Los Diez Mandamientos de Keveen Patricio Panadero

As my time in la República Oriental winds down, I've been thinking about how it will be to go home and share my experiences with others. Aside from the what stories to tell to who and when and where, the question of "what about me? What do I want to hear and not want to hear?" has been going through my mind, too. So, I present you with my Ten Commandments of Things NOT To Say Or Do When I Get Back....told jokingly, but this is serious. Most of these are just annoying, but one or two of these are offensive and are likely to make me mad.

I. "How was Argentina?" - If you ask me this, do NOT be surprised when I flush red and start to seem visibly upset. I DID NOT LIVE IN ARGENTINA. I have been in URUGUAY the entire year, barring some vacations and conferences across the river. If you ask me this, it will be very obvious to me that you haven't bothered to read a newsletter or check out my blog...don't even ask me this as a joke, please.

II. "Yer-uh-gway." - I'm sorry, is that a country? Because the one I'm in is pronounced OO-ROO-GWAI. Bonus points if you put the stress on the last syllable. This is annoying, not offensive...but I'll correct you nonetheless. As a corollary, I lived in "mont-eh-vee-DAY-oh," not "mont-uh-VID-ee-oh"...the latter is in Minnesota, where I have yet to visit.

III. "Well, that's great. Excuse me..." - This is generally the response that I get if I say more than two sentences about my year in response to "So, how was Uruguay?" Can YOU sum up a year of your life, one of the most challenging and eventful years at that, in 10 words or less? Neither can I...if you ask me how Uruguay was without asking specifics, please be prepared to listen for a while.

IV. "So, did you live in the jungle with the Indians?" - Uruguay is the same distance from the Equator as Virginia. All the indigenous peoples of Uruguay were wiped out in the 19th century, and virtually everyone here is the descendant of European immigrants, particulary Italians, Spanish, and Portuguese, but with plenty of Germans, French, English, and others mixed in. There is also a notable, if not huge, Afro-Uruguayan population. In other words, Uruguay is pretty much Baltimore except with a milder winter.

V. "Do they eat a lot of enchiladas and tacos and stuff down there?" - If, by down there, you mean Mexico, maybe so. Not in the rest of Latin America, including Uruguay. Asking this would be like asking an Italian if they ate lots of borscht and perogies because they're part of the same continent as Russia.

VI. "So, do they have, you know, buildings and stuff down there?" - Why yes, as a matter of fact they do. Not only that, but Montevideo is widely considered a truly fascinating city from an architectural point of view. And yes, they have hospitals and doctors and cars and things - in fact, their public health system is more accessible than ours, and most people use public transportation, which is efficient, cheap, and serves all parts of the city. Oh, and they officially separated church and state from the get-go, abolished slavery 30 years before the U.S. Civil War, and gave women the vote before the U.S. and much of Western Europe. This country ISN'T backwards.

VII. "Do they have a dictator?" - No. Amazingly, Latin America IS capable of "electing good men," to use the words of Woodrow Wilson...and their last round of military dictators were backed and funded by the U.S.

VIII. "Are you glad to be back in America?" - Umm, I never left America. America is a group of more than 30 countries on two continents. I'm sure, however, that I'll be glad to be back in the U.S., the states, Texas, however else you want to phrase this question, though.

IX. Ask about politics, or if you do, be prepared to be respectful.

X. Treat me like I've just arrived from Mars/am fragile/weird/anything else abnormal - Sure, this year has been transformative in a lot of ways. But I'm still Kevin.